This post was written as part of the #wholemama link-up. I’m really enjoying thinking of life in this way right now!
Ever since my daughter was born, I have been struggling to find the space for yoga. At first yoga was delayed because of postpartum recovery, and then the heavy milk supply got in the way, which led to a deliciously chunky and heavy baby, which led to achy mama knees and carpal tunnel syndrome.
Because my knees and wrists hurt in every day activities and in almost every pose, yoga dropped out of the picture. I know this should not have been the case. I know I should have used my yoga to manage these pains, to do more restorative yoga. But instead, I froze. I backed away. I just didn’t do it.
My journey right now is finding my way back to the mat.
I need the space to “unfurl my soul,” as my friend Marlaena says. Marlaena found the idea in a poem by John O’Donohue, in which he says “unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning.”
Unfurling of body. Unfurling of mind. Unfurling of soul. Grace. Beginning. Space.
To create the space to unfurl, I need to sacrifice something. In this case, it’s work time. I have precious little time away from my daughter, and I feel the need to CAPITALIZE on that time and DO things. Get things done.
To sacrifice work time for God-space is HARD. But.
This space is essential. Space with me and God and movement and stillness. Space to be. Space to feel all of the Feelings of Life. Space to give up the to do list, trust that the world won’t fall apart if I put off responding to emails for just a bit longer.
Creating space to be with God means trusting God. Trusting that I am not in control, so I won’t act like I’m in control. To create space is to cultivate this trusting mindset.
I have found the space after giving my daughter breakfast, before my shower. Sometimes it’s 15 minutes, other days 45. By 8 o’clock, I’m working. Before 8 o’clock, it’s family and God. Here is my boundary.
Now, postpartum body, our challenge is to figure out what to do with that space on the mat. To rediscover what my yoga with God looks like now. More to come on that front, I’m sure.