Space

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This post was written as part of the #wholemama link-up. I’m really enjoying thinking of life in this way right now! 

IMG_1209Ever since my daughter was born, I have been struggling to find the space for yoga. At first yoga was delayed because of postpartum recovery, and then the heavy milk supply got in the way, which led to a deliciously chunky and heavy baby, which led to achy mama knees and carpal tunnel syndrome.

Because my knees and wrists hurt in every day activities and in almost every pose, yoga dropped out of the picture. I know this should not have been the case. I know I should have used my yoga to manage these pains, to do more restorative yoga. But instead, I froze. I backed away. I just didn’t do it.

My journey right now is finding my way back to the mat.

I need the space to “unfurl my soul,” as my friend Marlaena says. Marlaena found the idea in a poem by John O’Donohue, in which he says “unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning.”

Unfurling of body. Unfurling of mind. Unfurling of soul. Grace. Beginning. Space.

To create the space to unfurl, I need to sacrifice something. In this case, it’s work time. I have precious little time away from my daughter, and I feel the need to CAPITALIZE on that time and DO things. Get things done.

To sacrifice work time for God-space is HARD. But.

This space is essential. Space with me and God and movement and stillness. Space to be. Space to feel all of the Feelings of Life. Space to give up the to do list, trust that the world won’t fall apart if I put off responding to emails for just a bit longer.

Creating space to be with God means trusting God. Trusting that I am not in control, so I won’t act like I’m in control. To create space is to cultivate this trusting mindset.

I have found the space after giving my daughter breakfast, before my shower. Sometimes it’s 15 minutes, other days 45. By 8 o’clock, I’m working. Before 8 o’clock, it’s family and God. Here is my boundary.

Now, postpartum body, our challenge is to figure out what to do with that space on the mat. To rediscover what my yoga with God looks like now. More to come on that front, I’m sure.

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7 thoughts on “Space

  1. It’s the subtle movements we make towards wholeness that keep us going. Good for you and making space in the littleness and bigness of life.

  2. “Creating space to be with God means trusting God. Trusting that I am not in control, so I won’t act like I’m in control. To create space is to cultivate this trusting mindset.” This is so true and really speaks to me. I’m glad you are finding that space again! I’m sure your yoga space will come again, too, in time. Blessings to you!

  3. I’m with Gayl, I love that quote. Finding time for self and God after baby is one of the most difficult challenges of any mama. I wrote some about it for my #wholemama post (which finally went up today). I have been trying to figure out how to create space for years. It just doesn’t look like it used to, but it can be something beautiful all the same.

  4. I’m sure you’ve heard this before…but I feel like you wrote this post about me! It’s been a year since you wrote this post and I wonder where your journey has taken you in the that time. Are you trusting more? Did you discover what “to do” with the space on the mat?

    For me, it happens in waves. A wave rolls into shore and I ride it for a week or a month or four months, through daily meditation or yoga or writing or whatever. Then, “shift happens”. Family comes to visit or we go away for a long weekend or the school year ends and the wave rolls out to sea and I loose sight of it. My devotion to space with God is replaced with entertaining guests or getting a teacher training planned or a book completed. But then I remember that “To sacrifice work time for God-space” is the best, highest, wisest choice I can make and the wave graciously rolls back in. And my hope is that each time it takes a little longer to make it to shore.

    1. Michel,

      Wow, what a thoughtful comment and question! I’m chewing on an answer that will probably arrive in blog-post form. In short: I’ve had a baby since I wrote “Space”–gone through the whole pregnancy, delivery, and first two months of life. So I don’t know how much more space I’ve had, but my journey has definitely changed, clarified, and confused even more. As they say, “Such is life.” 🙂

      Thank you for your question!

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